Berkano

Things swam before my vision. Things swam in blood. Blood of the innocents. Blood, the lifegiver, spilled for no reason but to sate the hunger in my soul. The hunger that will last lifetimes. Never ceasing until the world ends. And even then I will feed. The dying always see my face and feel my fleashless hands grip their bodies in sweet, gentle assurance. But they know no peace. They feel me drink from their bodies as they slip away into the forboding darkness. Nothing lies beyond the darkness. I know because I was there once. Then cruely ripped away to come back and wallow in the blood. The blood of the innocents. To swim in the blood. To loose myself once more to the emptiness of another life taken. Ah. It is a sweet irony. I feel nothing but the hunger, but no longer hunger for the feelings. I've been too long gone to care anymore.

---------------

I woke up yesterday
to only find your ghost.
I lay awake in bed all day
wishing you beside me.
When did you leave this morning?
Was I fast asleep?
Did you leave a kiss on my pillow
before you walked away?
Was I only dreaming?
Were you really there?
Or was it your ghost following me
through all those days?
When did you leave this evening?
Was I dreaming on the couch?
Was the movie finally over?
It's credits on the sceen.
Why did you leave me this afternoon?
It was so bright and clear,
was it something I said?
Or did?
Maybe.
Was it something I needed to say?
Perhaps.
But why leave me here this year
with only a ghost for company.
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Just thought I would post something today, this is the last stuff I'm gonna post from my old blog. Soon it will be nothing but dust in the wind.

Later.

Ok, well since my coffee part'ner is gonna be on fall break soon, maybe I can spend some time with her. As in I go home, kidnap her, and bring her back to this crappy place. Who knows, maybe she will be able to go to a ritual, if they have one... I don't know sometimes I get confused. It happens often.

The set date for the Halloween show is Nov. 1st. Go figure. *shrug* But I'm all ready to go, and I have the Witches Ball then too so it shall be much happiness and dark places. I have yet to see Underworld. Someone, anyone, come take me to see it!!! I need tooooooo!!!

Well I suppose I could go by myself....but what is the fun in that? Here's a tip for someone I know. Come to me on the 10th...please!!!!!!!!! I have a day for fall break because of band so meh. Please, please, please beg to come. You know who you are.

That is all.

Well well well, what do you know, I think that I'll drag you out there this summer Chibi, while I'm not in BAND CAMP, ahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!! But moving on, this will be a short post, just to let you know I've gotten used to the walking and I will buff up and we'll hike, and I'll fall in the river...it'll be good times.

Get up the money, it's a date!!!

This was a song that I wrote, no real melody that you guys reading it could sing it to, it was mine. But here it is anyway.
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Rain is falling outside my window
and I don't think I could go
out alone without you.

The T.V.'s on but I don't see it.
My heart is beating but I don't feel it.
Not since you went away.

I see your ghost on the wall
Everytime I want to fall
why aren't you with me anymore?

I walked outside today,
wanting to somehow play,
just like we used to do.

But the sun turned into clouds.
Like it's hiding behind a shroud,
Why aren't you with me now?

I see your ghost on the wall
Everytime I want to fall
why aren't you with me anymore?

My friends are worried for me.
I'm getting way too lonely,
why did you just go away?

I made up the bed we slept in
and I wonder where you've been
since the day we said goodbye.

I see your ghost on the wall
Everytime I want to fall
why aren't you with me anymore?

I think at one point there was something that I liked about this poem. I still like it, but even more now. Its crazy. WARNING!
-------------------------------
Flowers to showers.
What a beautiful thing.
I think I'm lost again.
I can't be your superman.
But I do know one thing
it always happens in the spring.
Lovely bunch of coconuts.
Traveling down memory lane.
Again.
Don't cry for me.
I'm already dead.
Dying.
Can't breathe
because your foot in on my neck again.
Strangling me.
Breathe.
What a horrible tragedy.
Lying there on the side of the road.
Killing them.
Killing me softly.
I need you.
Crying those tears again.
Can't make it stop.
It;s like the Energizer bunny.
Going, going, gone!
in a puff of blue smoke.
Left in the dust in Vegas.
Cowboy.
Stranger with a gun.
Kill him.
Burn the evidense.
Need some release,
need some peace.
Help me someone.
Help me I'm falling.
Catch me quickly.
Left alone again.
Know nothing but the lies
they told you.
No one can keep me chained up.
Forever.
Nothing is eternal.
Your gonna die.
Soon.
Maybe now.
Don't know what I'm saying,
not anymore.
One more rollar coaster to ride.
Need me again?
Yeah right.
I'm not yours anymore.
You only wish I was.
Back up.
Get run over by a Care Bear.
Fly to the clouds.
Rainbows falling around your head.
You only wish you were dead.
No need for a person like you.
Jealous of my life now.
Jealous you aren't wanted.

Another installment. And in case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm bored and I won't be able to post here later on today. Stupid band...*mutter mutter*
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The gleaming sun overhead hid the approach of the hawk in the sky, and the sparrow was none the wiser. But the second the claws clasped the fragile thing of flight it knew its death was near, or was it? The zing was muffled as it struck the larger bird in the talon. The sparrow was free, but so terrified that it fell toward the earth with no way to stop itself. Terror can do that you know. Stun you so that you can't move, even if it is to save your own life. Both birds started out the day like any prey and hunter do, but now with one bullet everything was thrown into choas. And that's the way Taylor liked it. Nothing predictable. Nothing too common place. Thats how the world should be. But his views on this earth were about to change, even if he didn't know it yet.

Ok, I had this other blog that I used to post on. I think I said this somewhere back there, but in case not, I had another blog. We won't go into the reasons why I don't want it anymore, but I'm gonna start posting old stuff from there, just to get it in the same place. Only the good stuff though.
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The rim of the cowboy hat hung lazily on the brow of the hombre that had just walked into town. He walked because his car had decided to break down on the side of the road about 10 miles back, but being a 'country boy' he could walk that distance and more without breaking a sweat. The only reason liquid ran down his tanned face was because he had almost been killed on the way here. At the time it hadn't occured to him that he was the target of some assassin's gun, all he knew is that bullets were flying in his direction and he didn't like the thought of being shot at. His colt .45 had settled the despute with one shot, cleanly placed to the middle of the man's slick forehead.

Tucker didn't like killing. Didn't like the stench of the body after several days in the sun. But when someone was trying to kill you, it was kill or be killed. And ol' Tuck would rather kill than die.

Pushing up the brim of his hat he saw, across the haze of steam from the road, a delapidated looking bar. With a snort Tucker made his way across the street, making sure that he wasn't being followed. As he entered the bar the gloom of the place hit him in the face. There was almost no light in the whole place, most of the chairs and booths were bathed in darkness, and, overall, it looked like the perfect place for an ambush. Moving warily toward the bar he kept his eyes open for any moving shadows. As he reached his destination a buff looking man, roughly 6' 1", looked at him and set down the glass he was cleaning.

After one look Tucker was assured that he could bring that big ox down to size with a couple of shots. One to his right knee, and one to his left shoulder. The man had been holding the rag in his left hand which was a sign that the man was a south paw. If there was a gun under the bar, out of sight of the customers, which Tucker thought was the case, then the man would hold it in his left hand. As to the shot to the man's right knee...well that was something to throw the man off balance if he could shoot with his right hand as well as his left.

All of that was calculated within the span of time it took Tucker to take a breath to order his whiskey. The glass that was being cleaned as Tucker arrived was filled with the amber liquid and given to him without a word said by either party.

Time passed slowly in the barren bar on the side of the road. And by the time Tucker had nursed his second whiskey for about an hour, he figured it was about time to get his buisness out of the way. Time to find out what he came here for so that he could make the trek to his real destination.

He had been watching the bar for signs of life ever since his feet hit the wooden planks that constituted a floor. In all that time he hadn't seen but maybe a couple of people enter the bar, and none of them had left. As he leaned forward to signal the barkeep to him something caught the corner of his eye. As quick as if the gun were attached to his arm, it appeared in his hand and was pointed at the head of a very lovely woman who stared with fear at him. Her dress was..revealing. Her hair, swept up in a bun that was both practical and lovely. But it was the way that she stood, slightly forward showing her ample bosom that tipped Tucker off. Swiftly he uncocked the gun and slowly lowered it to his lap. But he was far from being relaxed, because he sensed that the bartender was reaching for the gun under the bar at which he sat. By the sound of the metal grating on the wood Tucker knew that it was a Winchester 1200. Big ass gun, and at this close range it would make a hole the size of a bowling ball in anything that it came into contact with.

The neurons in Tucker's brain were firing faster than any other human's, maybe this was why he was so good, and why he wasn't dead yet. But the question still remained what should he do. He couldn't let the bohemuth behind the bar get the shot gun out and aimed, that would mean the death of the lady at his side. The only option Tucker saw, even though he didn't like the thought, was to shoot first and question later. The air was filled with the acrid scent of gunpowder and the big ox lay on the ground behind the bar, blood pouring from the two bullet wounds in his torso and knee.

As always Tucker was a great aim, and an even greater strategist.

The few people that had been in the bar scattered like chickens, including the tempting protitute. With no witnesses Tucker lept over the bar and landed with little sound on the floor behind. He knelt by the bleeding form of the unfortunate bartender. He wouldn't die, that is unless no one came to check out the gun shots. Otherwise he would bleed to death. Not something Tucker wanted to think about, but it wasn't really his problem. He could disappear if the man did die. He had done it for years, was used to being a wanted man, but the thing was they could never identify him. His hat hid his face well enough that shadow of any kind would make him as faceless as a dressmaker's dummy, he had made sure of that when he bought the hat.

Now, leaning over the body, watching the man's pain glazed eyes, Tucker realized something he hadn't before. He cared. Most proficient gun fighters didn't care about what they killed, or when, but it was strange that Tucker knew where every bullet he had ever shot had landed.

Mentally shaking himself he listened for the footfalls of running men, but there weren't any. Maybe that was why the big man had the big gun. No security. Such a shame, but Tucker had to get answers before the man passed out.

"Tell me where Jamie Rames is, and I might consider telling someone you're lying here bleeding."

This guy didn't have to know that he would do this anyway, that he wouldn't leave anyone to die slowly. The man was trying to focus his eyes on Tucker's face, but was having a difficult time with it. The man gurgled something, and then a little blood dripped out of his mouth. Tucker was taken aback. Had he misaimed and hit the guy in the lung? He didn't think so, but he didn't have time to look for sure. He had to get his answer soon because in his experience someone that is bleeding out of the mouth either broke a tooth, or were in serious trouble.

"Tell me what I want to know, I won't ask another time."

Another gurgle came from the man's throat and a whisper followed soon after. Not catching it the first time Tucker leaned closer to the man.

"Go fuck yourself..." And the man's hand, the good one, gripped the back of Tucker's shirt and threw him head over heels to the man's booted feet, which connected quickly with Tucker's jaw and nose.

Well missed posts are a must now but I have a surprise, a semi-serial.
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She had found the flyer stuffed into her diary. She didn’t know how it had gotten there, and she didn’t know who could have put it there without her knowing. She kept it within her reach at all times because it was illegal (pahshan) to have such an object. But that wasn’t how it had always been, at one time this planet a decade ago, and the loss had been devastating. So many had died that there was just a mass grave in the city center, a mass grave that served as a warning to anyone who rebelled. If you tried anything, you would die, and that kept most of the populace in line. But there was a small group of resistance and that was where the flyer had come from.

It was strange to see. Why would they advertise their existence like this? But…why her? The only thing that made her special was her father’s position within the new government. Was that why? She couldn’t think straight. If this flyer was found… She shuttered to think of it.

“Kera?” The voice was from so far away.

“Kera? Pay attention, you don’t want to miss this.”

Ta’el. It was Ta’el. Her heart beat faster within her breast. Had she spoken while she had been thinking? Did Ta’el know about the flyer?

“Kera? Are you ok?”

“Fine.” Kera murmured. “Doing just fine.”

But the words stuck in her throat because death’s face seemed to be looming before her…and she was afraid.


The flyer stayed tucked away in her diary but her thoughts never seemed to leave it. The thing called out to her, as crazy as that sounded. Maybe she had gone crazy, maybe she should have thrown away the second she saw it lying innocently on the pages of written word. Maybe she should have, but she didn’t.

Kera hadn’t even read it yet. She had seen the resistance symbol and immediately closed her diary. Her heart beating fast, her eyes wide in horror…

She hadn’t believed it at first. Hadn’t wanted to believe, but she had looked again, barely raising the cover of the diary to see the white, pressed velum above the scribbled words that were her own.

Now, walking home, she had too much time to think on her situation. If she threw it away it would be found and fingerprinted. If she handed it to her father he would ask where she had found it, and if she kept it…that would be the worst thing to face. She would be put to trial, and then killed. Her father would be disgraced; her family would die of starvation shunned by the entire planet. There was just no way out that would end happily.

Kera’s house loomed in the distance and still she had no answer. Maybe sleeping on it would help her decide how to deal with this situation.

Later that night as Kera lay in her bed, her eyes moving rapidly, she didn’t find the answer she thought she would.

She was flying… Well, running so fast that her feet didn’t seem to touch the ground. And she was going through the marketplace, the one thing they had been allowed to keep after the Nefari took over. People were flying by her and she never hit anyone. Then she comes to a bakery. One that she had never seen before in her life, but it felt like home… like she had been here forever. Slowly the door to the bakery opened even through her hand didn’t touch the door.

There was a man inside, a big man with burly arms and huge shoulders. A crisp, white apron, for the most part, covered his body. Words weren’t really said between them, but there was a sense of understanding that transcended words. Then her astral legs moved and she was outside again, but she was behind the bakery and there was a cellar door in front of her. It opened slowly and a stairway led down into darkness.

In another flash she was down the steps and in front of a door, but what was a metal, mechanical door, doing in a cellar? Then a word burst from her mouth, a word so sonorous that it shook the foundation of the little bakery. And the door opened and as light spilled like water over her body she knew this was her destiny.

Her small body tossed and she turned over. Her breathing was shallow, and it came in gasps. She had found her place, and within her dream she spoke the word again, her lips trembling. And in the real world, the world of waking, she said it too.

“Freedom.”

Hmm...its Wednesday...missed another post, but thats ok, yesterday was a busy day. Skipped band for the first time ever so I could do a Mabon ritual with my friend's, went to the SPA meeting, then to the Log Cabin. Had lots of mega fun, ha ha ha. Well the person I vaguely mentioned in a previous post is out of the picture and my sights are on someone else. Not that I'm totally heartbroken or anything, they were acting a little imature. But this new person, since I don't know them hardly at all, seems like a decent person. Pierced, and thug-goth-like. Good combo. And the comments made about not being a fighter but a protector was awesome.

On a lighter note I am happy I skipped band, although I'll probably be slaughtered tomorrow, but at least this 2 day vacation is worth it. I'm not doing band next year, I've given up on it. Too much time out of my life that I can never get back, but next fall semester will be freer. Don't know if that will be a good thing or not. But at least I'll get to go home more often and get away from college for a while. I can't wait.

Well that's about all.
Laters.

Well today's little happy thought came through a conversation at a lunch thingy. Not gonna say exactly what it was, but it made me very, very happy. I think I will last on that happiness for a while. Even gets me happy happy thinking about it.

Anyways, maybe more later after I actually do something more exciting...well more exciting for my college life.

Omg... Saturday was crazy! There was a football game, and then I ran to a ritual (that I missed by... a couple of hours...). Then after that we decided to go to 'the Beach'. Omg... I can't even tell ya how great that was. I was half asleep for a little while but there were moments of consciousness, but I won't go there.... Not now at least, but its nothing bad.

I can't ever say enough about Saturday night, it was worth not watching Underworld. Omg... The stars were so bright, the fire burned wonderfully, and the company couldn't have been better.

Maybe later I'll go into what was so wonderful, but I shall say now that I am not adverse to the prospect of attention. Which makes me just like everything else in the world. But it amazed me.

There is, however, a little angst in my life and I'm gonna let it stay there to keep me grounded. I don't need that barrier taken away, if it is, don't know what I'm gonna do. Surely something awful that I won't be able to un-make.

End post.

He wanted to die. To sink into the ground, to be eaten alive by the very earth that supported him. But it wasn't to be. He was immortal, doomed to live life on this stinking metal world that was supported by the whores, sinners, and warriors. He knew now... Knew who had created him, who had slowly cultivated the crop of hundreds of four-legged monsters. Now it had come to a death which he could never repent for, or forget. Never again would he say the name....

The road was long, the journey to find death always was. And he would find it, even if it took him forever....

Of course I couldn't do what I wanted to do, spent all day on it and got nothing for my effort. Stupid blogger and their not letting you change your background. One way or another I will find a way to beat them. But anyways...

Missed another day 'cause of that.

A poem:

No One Else

There is no one else I love more
There is no one else I need... or do I want
It is you and you alone that I need here with me
You are the only one...
That I have ever truly loved...
that I have changed for...
that I would and still will do anything
and everything for...
You have control over my mind...my body...
my emotions...and my soul...
That is called "total control" and you have it...
I can never love another the way that I love you
I can never devote myself to anyone else
I revolve my world around you...
and what you say and what you do...
and sometimes I feel like you are my world
Like life has no other meaning but to love you,
please you, be there for you,
do what you say... what you want...
I put all my trust and faith in you...
and they are sill there, even after you broke them...
Even though I feel like I am wasting my time...
there is no one else
I wish, I hope, and I pray...every single day...
for you to love me again,
but only this time you wouldn't stop
and then I would be left broken hearted like I am now
There is No one else... and there will never be anyone else
It is you and you alone, nothing more... nothing less
Just you... No one else

-Jessica


Oldish poem I found about 2 years ago. Still good. Yummy kinda good.

I always find something of interest whenever I read Scott Cunningham's works. Living Wicca: A Further Guide For the Solitary Practioner, is no exception.

"Many new Wiccans have difficulty in approaching the God. For their entire lives, they've been taught that there's only one God. He's jealous, angry and promises we'll all end up in a place of darkness and suffering after death. Vivid portraits of His wrath were firmly imprinted in many children's minds at a quite impressionable age, and it can be difficult for some of these people, now grown and entering Wicca, to remove such lingering conceptions of male Deity."

And this, further down:

"Religious institutions have transformed the male conception of Deity into a wrathful being whose followers have wiped out entire civilizations and destroyed hundreds of cultures; a God in whose name millions of persons have been killed in holy wars; a God whose representatives have repeatedly stated that Deity is not female and that women cannot possibly achieve a rapport with the Divine to the extent that they should be allowed to be priests; a male Deity ruling over a male-oriented world in which men have long used religion as an excuse to dominate, subdue and abuse women."

Yet more:

"True, this god is nice to his worshippers, but any who don't worship Him, or who don't limit their worship to Him, are doomed to spend eternity in a pit of fire and torture, with no hope of another life or escape."


Last one, seriously:

"Women may have a particularly difficult time (worshipping the God). While they may be surprised and delighted to have found a religion that embraces women, that acknowledges their inner power and spiritual strength, that allows them to participate as leaders in ritual and that--incredibly--actually worships a Goddess, they may not quite be able to bring the God into their rites. It can be difficult to forget 20, 30 or 40 years of negative God Imagery."


That's about all I've found so far that really made me want to share with everyone. I swear if he weren't dead, or as old as he would be now, I would so marry him. But he's gone and I have to content myself with that which he left behind. Thanks be to Scott Cunningham who wrote out what many of us may be thinking silently.

'Nother day missed but yesterday was a bitch. My morning--*skipping and singing*, my afternoon--*brooding about not wanting to go to band*, my evening--*run run run, 'hi' to the roomie, shower, run run run, SPA meeting, eat eat eat, bed at 12:30*

Yeah... If you understood that you are a smarter person than I. But yeah, it was busy and then this weekend will be even worse. Band from 4 til like...ever... then I have to book it to Hazel to a place I've never really been before and only know the general area of til the God knows when... Least I get to rest on Sunday, thats some consolation I guess.

The meeting, for those of you who might not really care but still read this, went well. There were arguements and much violence and it ended at like 10, then the outside was crowded with shouts after the meeting. Much lovely fun, which I really didn't care about, I was the observer of all the chaos, not a participator.

Rode in a truck with a guy I'd known for like...an hour? Yeah...fun fun. But he was cool. Had a sword so I love him. He might get someone to teach me how to make a bow (as in bow and arrow) so I love him even more.

Didn't get in til like midnight. Strange that the roomie didn't really say anything to me, but I guess the look I had on didn't encourage her. I was kinda tired and smoke filled. Had a great nights sleep apparently because I woke up when I wanted to and that was before my alarm went off. Good internal clock I guess, I need to fine tune it though.

Not much more on the chara idea, not much time yesterday to contemplate the mysteries of the universe....well my universe. So I'll have to get on that today sometime. Maybe I'll get inspiration from my night Civics class, who knows? The SHADOW! But anyways.... Not much more to say, think I'll go....think of something to do...bye bye.

His minute form rocking back and forth in its partial nudity. The hard ground keeping him anchored in reality. The rocks and weeds stuck in him, and on him, keeping him sane in the pre-dawn. But the ground, though it anchored him, repulsed him as well. THe blood soaked ground by which he sat, and rocked feverishly, called to him. Called to the beast within his breast. He was stretched taut as a tanning hide and he felt his conciousness slip; once, twice.. Then there was the 'were'(wear). The monster, the killer, was loose agagin there in the pre-dawn light. It didn't matter now. He changed when the beast wasn't sated. He lost his logic, his science, in the bloodlust of the 'were'. He was tired. Tired of his life so he slipped away and gave the 'were' full control for the oblivion that would last til the sun was high.

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Sidenote: Yes, yes. I know that werewolves change in the dark, mostly at night with the full moon. But I wanna make this chara, whether he knows it or not (haven't decided yet), engineered by someone (yet to be named or thought up...). Any ideas, tell me. You know who you are.

The dark was coming fast and his feet weren't carrying him fast enough to beat the moonrise. He didn't want to change again, last time had been too horrific...he had killed someone...someone close...


Name: (human) Keleman Firok (pronounced: Kel-lay-men Fear-rock)
(full wolf) Halal

Age: Undetermined

Height: 6' 5"

Weight: 190

Occupation: Not known

Species: Werewolf

Again I missed a day. Yes, I will continue to bemoan any days that I miss. But I did a lot on Saturday and I am satisfied by missing one post for it.

Well I was told about an RPG board that will be very awesome. I'm gonna make a werewolf. His name will be Halal, Hungarian for Death. But that is only when he is in his full wolf form. He is going to be Harry-Potter-esque for Prof. Lupin when he is human. Frail, weak, then he gets hit with some moon and then wham! insta-killer. It shall be cool. Not to mention he will turn into an 11 ft. tall bringer of death whenever he wants. Mwaha! But anyways...

Thats about it for right now and I'm going in search of a name for the human stage of my char. Laters!

Well I missed a day there, but the roomie decided to go to bed at like 5am that day and didn't get up til like 1 or 2 pm. I didn't want to bother her with my typing so I didn't even try to put anything on here. But there isn't much to report since then. Boring college life and all that.

A nice guy in Wed night class gave me a highlighter because I didn't have one last week. Nice. Not much else though. Just tired out of my mind and I am finally home for the weekend. Hoping to sleep late. Talk to you guys tomorrow when I can type some more.

Laters.

Well I just signed up for the on-campus Pagan Association and everything is going good as far as classes go. Now all I need to do is some reasearch and everthing will be done, well then I have a little math assignment to do but that won't take more than 30 minutes. Class tonight at 6 and til 9, yay. Not much more to report right now might get on later and put something on here, but I think I stated before that I have a boring college life so there might not be anything else under today's headline.

Might try and start a little serial on here, but I don't know how well that will work out in the end. Later everyone. If there is an everyone. Doubt it but one can hope.

Ah the wonderful freedom of a new blog all to myself....
Well to start this off right I would have to state the reason for needing a new blog.
1) Someone I know has my old blog bookmarked. I don't want him reading anymore.
2) That old blog was too stuffy and I didn't write on it a lot.

Those are the reasons and I hope that I keep this one up and running better than the last one. Now all I have to do it remember this is here and everything will be peachy.

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Reading Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire at present. Good book, couple of great new charas to the series who will probably die somewhere along the line, but hey its fantasy. Out with the old and in with the new.

Having a rough time of it in college. Not with the classes, they are fine, 'cept one but we won't go there. There is this guy I dated for a little while (a little over a week, sad I know) and after he broke up with me (yup, that bastard) he has the nerve to keep coming up here and kissing and hugging, and fondleing all over me. At first it was ok. I allowed it, but not willingly. He is stepping over the bounds now. He said something to the effect of, "Since your my ex-girlfriend I'm more apt to cuddle with you." Which is all I would allow, cuddling. But then my thought was, "I'll cuddle with you but since I'm not your girlfriend don't expect me to give it up everytime you want it." I mean even when we were going out it was something that I didn't give. Relationship too young and all.

Now he is getting annoying. Laying all over me and trying to get with me even though I've said no enough times for him to get it in his thick head that I don't want anything. I'm fixing to turn mean and kick him out of my bed. And he is being pissy about not getting anything from me so let him pout. I'm fixing to hit him over the head if he keeps being this way though. He has no right, he's the one who broke up with me.

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On to other news though. I might be going to England if I can get 2650 dollars together, and about 300 of that by Oct. 3rd. If I can get it I will go away for 2 weeks to London, England and get about 3 credit hours for it toward my college hours. So thats a perk. Even though the thing will take up my Christmas break almost totally. But hey, England vs. a couple of weeks with nothing to do, I think I can handle England well enough.

My roomy wants to go to, she is the one that wants to drag me along but if she can't go the plans are scrapped and maybe I can go this summer or something, even though that costs a lot more and is for like 2 months instead of 2 weeks. Don't know if I could handle being over there that long...who knows, maybe....

Time to end this so I'll try and get on here tomorrow and write some little tidbit from my boring college life, later.